I love that my daughter makes art at school. It first started when she was an infant—her teachers put a paint-covered marble in a jar with a rolled up piece of paper and had her shake it around. I’m looking at it now, a beautiful tree shape of green and orange squiggles on pink paper. Amazing! Our daughter can do art! Then she did more. And more. After almost two years at school we have reams of art that needs to be sorted through. Some we’ll keep and maybe frame, the others…I don’t know if I have the heart to recycle them.
Then I brought this home yesterday.
I think this bear has a severe digestive problem.* I don’t know which end that stuff came out, but I have to say I’m amazed the teachers had the stomach to see this one through to completion. It might be oatmeal mixed with brown paint, but I really don’t want to inspect it that closely. I love my daughter…but…man. Either it’s the most disgusting thing she’s ever made (and I’ve seen a LOT of dirty diapers) or it’s worthy of being the first thing we frame. It reminds me of a certain controversial art piece in a New York museum. Shocking! Thought-provoking! Stomach-turning! Revolutionary!
I’d like to elicit potential titles from my readers. Write in with a name for this singular work and I’ll pick the best one and post the results. To get your creative (and digestive) juices flowing, consider these:
· Vomit Bear: Mixed Media 2010
· Just use Your Hands: Paper-Free Camping
· Torment of the Lovers
· Teddy Fall Down Go Poop
Enough. Last night I decided to make granola because it seemed liked the hippie thing to do. Actually it’s because I’m a cheapskate and I hate buying a box of oatmeal, honey, and nuts for five bucks. I learned two things: 1) oatmeal and nuts toast at a very low temperature, 2) making granola is very easy. Really! I mixed up equal amounts of honey and vegetable oil (1 cup each), and stirred it into a big bowl with 6 cups of oatmeal, around a cup of wheat germ, 1 cup of sliced almonds, and 1 cup of smashed walnuts. It came out a little dark and toasty-flavored, and the oven was around 350. So next time I’ll do 275 or so for around forty minutes and see if that does it. I added some raisins this morning and it was pretty darn good, though not as sweet as store-bought. Now that I made my own granola, I thought it was time I posted a picture of myself. Like, far out man!
*I promised my wife I would give her credit for this one. Her first response when she saw it, “I think that bear threw up on himself.” Nice one, sweetie.